My room looks like a tornado picked it up, spun it around a few times, and spat it back out. I'm in the process of packing to go back to school. And by "in the process", I mean it's so messy that I ignore it and blog instead. Sigh...
Anyway, I wanted to write about a recent hit my faith has taken recently. This summer I was pretty much betrayed by my best friend. She was also the person who brought me to Christ, and we had been besties since 6th grade. She's basically ignored me for the last 2 years since we came to college, and when I confronted her about it, she basically cut me out of her life.
Needless to say, it's really hit me hard. Outside my family, I trusted her the most. I had a really tough year last year, and I was already going through some trouble with my faith, and this has only made it worse. I don't really blame God for what she did, because I know that He doesn't control people's actions, but it kind of bothers me that He still loves her just as much as He loves me. What she did hurt me so badly, and even though I know I've sinned many times before, I have never intentionally hurt someone like this before. And if I were to, I'd explain why to that person and have a darn good reason for it. So I just kind of feel like, "Whatever God. You're darn good at loving, but that doesn't help me feel better right now."
I know it's selfish of me, and I should try to understand her actions, but I'm mad and hurt and cynical. She's cruel for doing this to me without even explaining herself, and she's a coward for cutting me out of her life and not allowing me to tell her how I feel. I'm really trying to forgive her, but it's hard. Especially since she probably doesn't feel that she did anything wrong. The only reassurance I'm getting right now is not coming from God. It's from all of my other wonderful friends who care about me. So thanks guys. I appreciate your friendship 100 times more than she appreciated mine.
Anyway, I'm trying to overcome these feelings, and I recognize this as a test of faith. This is the biggest roadblock I've hit so far, and I'd be a pussy if I couldn't get past it. :)
Sorry for the long rant. I had to let it out.
"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness." -James 1:2-3
love lisa
This of it this way, feel sorry for God that she has stopped loving him like she used to. And by this I mean start loving God x2 as much to take up her share. Maybe one day, she'll realize her actions, and realize how much a friend you were to her, and she'll come back to loving you and God genuinely again.
ReplyDelete- Daniel Lee (just in case you can't tell from my initials)
thanks daniel. you're right. :) and i did know it was you. i suspected, then stalked you on fb and saw your email was similar. lol. i'm such a creeper...
ReplyDeletei'm really sorry to hear this lisa. in my life i've turned my back one of my best friends, and another one of my best friends has also sinned against me in a way i would have never imagined. i'm glad to hear that so many of your friends have been supporting you through this.
ReplyDeletei know it can be hard to forgive. it's often against human nature. all i can say is i've made the same complaint, that i've never intentionally hurt someone as bad as someone has to me. then memories of the worst things i've done resurface and i'm just left begging for the same forgiveness i was so reluctant to give earlier