Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Relationship problems

Blog: Why don't you love me anymore, Lisa? I thought you loved me!

Lisa: Blog, I do love you! I have just been so absorbed in all my other work that I haven't had the time for you lately.

Blog: If you truly loved me, then you would make time for me! Don't you realize how embarrassing it is for me to look around at all my friends and see them getting written in and I have nothing to show since March? Am I not enough for you or something? Gasp! HAVE YOU BEEN CHEATING ON ME?? IS THAT IT??

Lisa: No of course not! I swear that I have no other blogs but you! 

Blog: I don't believe you? Who is she?? Is she some haughty typepad blog or something? Or is she...no you wouldn't...SHE'S NOT THAT FLOOZY FROM BLOG.COM THAT YOU WERE TALKING ABOUT??

Lisa: No! There's no one else! Please don't doubt my faithfulness, Blog. I promise to be more attentive to you! Forgive me! I'll shower you with pictures and thoughts and maybe even a video every once in awhile! 

Blog: .....Alright I believe you. But just this one last chance! If you do this again, I swear I'll leave you and take all your thoughts with me!

Monday, March 28, 2011

Thought of the day

God didn't create sleep. Sleep is a human necessity that was created by the devil so that he could deprive us of it and laugh at our pain and suffering. And God doesn't do anything because secretly, He derives amusement from it too by watching us do ridiculous things when we are sleep deprived.

You all don't even want to know.

That is all.

People is Siberia often buy their milk frozen on a stick.


love lisa

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Review games

You know what I've always hated? I hate it when the class before an exam, the teachers think it would be fun to play a game or hold a competition to help everyone review. I know that some people really love these in class games, but I hate them! They are too much pressure! I like watching them, but the teacher always insists that everyone must play, and I have such abominably slow reaction time that I can never press the stupid buzzer before the other students. And it was embarrassing! Everyone was always like, "Lisa is so smart! We want her on our team!" and then I'd feel bad because I know my stuff, but I'm too slow/feel too pressured to do well at games! Then I'm all like:

And my entire team is all like:


Then I'm all like:


Yeah. On the other hand, I've recently discovered Jimmy Johns and can't stop eating their beach clubs, so I've been feeling



 about that. Anywayz, good luck to all on their exams and stuff!

Albert Einstein's last words were lost because the maid alongside his bed couldn't speak German.


love lisa

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Re: Asians in the Library

Sooooo....I just watched this video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DoLLEZlpUxk posted by Alexandra Wallace from UCLA, ranting about Asians...please watch this video before you read any further so that you can understand exactly what I am about to talk about.

Wow...I didn't realize people could be so incredibly stupid. I mean, I thought all humans had evolved past the Neanderthal stage by now, but I guess not. I'm just going to go over some of the most infuriating points in the video and offer my responses to her now:

"So, don't take this offensively. I don't mean it towards any of my friends. I mean it towards random people that I don't even know in the library."
Right...because it's always a sign of good moral fiber to be judging "random people that I don't even know".

"These HORDES of Asian people that UCLA accepts into our school every single year."
Did it ever occur to you that the reason hordes of Asians get accepted into good schools is because we are intelligent, talented, and awesome? Do you really think that if you had to compete with us directly for a position in college (as in there weren't any need to balance out the racial composition of a university) you would actually get in?

"If you're gonna come to UCLA, then use American manners."
I...don't really know how to respond to this. What exactly does "American manners" mean? Because last time I checked, America is known as the melting pot, where people from all cultures can live peacefully together. Last time I checked, the actual native people of North America were Native American. I'm sorry to say that you don't look Native American, though with your hair dyed to that extent and your IQ at such a pitifully low level, I can see how you might forget who you are.

"You will always see old Asian people running around this apartment complex every weekend; that's what they do. They don't teach their kids to fend for themselves."
Well I'm sorry that we have loving families and we care about and help each other. I'm sure you're just jealous because your family took one look at your face and wanted to leave you by the side of the road. Also, "don't teach their kids to fend for themselves??" Are you kidding me? You obviously have no idea what Asian parents are like...I can say (with no intent to brag) that I cook, clean, do laundry, grocery shop, and basically can live completely independently, all thanks to those "old Asian people" that raised me, God bless them. And I know that there are Asians who are so much more accomplished than me, which puts them so much above your level that you couldn't even dream of becoming half the people they are.

"You know what they don't also teach them is their manners...Hi. In America, we do not talk on our cell phones in the library...I'll be like deep into my studying into my political science theories and arguments...all of a sudden when I'm about to like reach an epiphany, over here from somewhere, 'OOH, ching chong ling long ting tong, OOH'"
Hahaha...so many things I could say...first of all, you can throw that poli-sci degree out the window, because after this, your life is so screwed that it's not gonna help you. Secondly, your epiphany was probably something along the lines of "Oh my gawwwd...soooo...if I go to the mall right now, I can, like, probably get, like, another top that's, like, way to small for my fake boobs for, like, 10% off!!" Finally, the mockery of Asian language that you made just shows how ignorant you are. You'd never be smart enough to learn an Asian language for real anyway.

"So being the polite, nice, American girl that my momma raised me to be."
Ha. No commentary necessary. You're mom's probably so ashamed of you right now, she's probably wishing that she had died an early death so that she hadn't given birth to such a thorn in society's side.

"I swear they're going through their whole families just checking on everybody from the tsunami thing."
This is the most cruel, ignorant, heartless thing that you said in this entire video. You obviously don't have enough brain power or care in your heart (or neither) to be able to even try to understand what people in Japan are going through right now. I'm sure you never even took the time from your busy party schedule to consider how someone who has just lost their entire family, all their belongings, their entire life, must feel. The fact that you consider your 'studying' (if you were even doing that) to be more important than someone finding out if their loved one is alive shows how sad your existence is.


Okay....sorry everyone. I just had to get that out. Not that I support threats and violence, but I can definitely see how some people (especially someone who has lost someone to the tsunami) might go in that direction.

March 21st is the International Day for the Elimination of Racism.

love lisa

Friday, March 4, 2011

Heaven and Hell

I always hear that Heaven is beyond what I can imagine and that Hell isn't how humans stereotypically describe it. Heaven is not drifting around on clouds of white playing a lap harp, nor is Hell burning fires and chains. I have also heard that Heaven is being with God all the time and Hell is never being able to reach Him. Now I obviously have no idea what they are really like, but I think that Heaven will be pure happiness and Hell will be pure misery. I don't have either in their purest form right now, but here is what I think they may feel like (and I mean this in the least blasphemous way possible).

Heaven will be like...falling in love under a perpetual sunset (I like sunsets better than sunrises)...that fully rested feeling that one only wakes up with  once every few years...a shopping spree with all your best friends...perfectly, incandescently happy...free ice cream...the longest string of snow days EVER...the gingerbread house from Hansel and Gretel, but without the witch...unicorns, nymphs, and Toothless...a peaceful walk through a quiet wood in 72.5 degree weather...duck crossings (some people may not agree with me on this one, but they just don't understand)...bubble wrap all the time...a fresh blanket of snow that will always seem untrodden no matter how we walk in it...double rainbow...suffused with the love that I feel for my family, except towards everyone.

Hell will be like
climbing up an endless staircase
organic chemistry exams (actually, maybe this is misery in its purest form)
the betrayal of your best friend
underestimating your size, then going up a size only to find it's still too small
durian...everywhere...
being covered in mosquito bites, or chicken pox
finding out that Santa Claus doesn't exist
laying in bed about to fall asleep then remembering that you need to do something important and knowing you will forget if you don't do it immediately
no more ducks :(


Okay, so I know my Hell list is shorter, but it's just much nicer to contemplate Heaven. :)

The average person has over 1,460 dreams a year.

love lisa

Monday, February 14, 2011

Drinking

Hey, so I know I'm not much of a drinker. I don't like the taste of alcohol (juice tastes so much better) and I only made it to 10:30 pm on my 21st birthday (Please don't mock me any more than my sisters already do. Trust me, I'll never live it down). Still, I wonder how anyone drinks that much.

I mean, I can't drink more than 3 glasses of water in one sitting. I don't know how much water everyone else drinks, but isn't drinking tons of beer just like drinking tons of water? Not just beer, but going drinking itself with the shots and the martinis and everything. Don't you just feel like a giant water balloon after? And that's not even factoring in the drunkenness.

I don't know if I'll ever have the ability to get truly wasted. I can't drink that much liquid! I feel sick drinking that much liquid even if it's not alcoholic! Like tonight, I couldn't even finish one beer. It's not like I reached my limit, but I just couldn't finish it! I felt all sloshy and stuff, and that's never a good feeling.

So please! Someone inform me, how do you drink that much and not feel like you'd cause a flood if someone accidentally popped you?

The average person has over 1,460 dreams a year.


love lisa

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Shut your mouth

If you are one of those many people who have I-don't-think-of-others-when-I'm-shooting-my-mouth-off Syndrome, please just shut your mouth.

Seriously, do everyone around you a favor and just don't talk until you have considered how your words may be affecting other people. Lately, a lot of my friends have been hurt because someone said something careless, and said speaker probably didn't even realize they said something hurtful. One careless comment that is forgotten in one second by the speaker will leave the person that got hurt crying and obsessing over it later. It's not that hard to just watch what you say!

You know what kind of people are especially susceptible to I-don't-think-of-others-when-I'm-shooting-my-mouth-off Syndrome? Males who are out to prove how much testosterone they have. It doesn't even matter if they really have any. They just need to prove to the world how freaking manly they are by making some insulting comment that they think is witty. Guess what? It's not funny. No one is laughing and no one thinks that you are any more of a man for saying it. Now you are just a douche.

If you have been a victim of I-don't-think-of-others-when-I'm-shooting-my-mouth-off Syndrome, please just put it out of your mind. People are just careless and self-centered, so they probably weren't even thinking when they made the comment. Don't put any store into it. Do you really want to pay attention to someone who doesn't have balls anyway?

"All men think they are nice guys. Some of them are not. Contact me for a list of names." --Rita Rudner


love lisa